


I Was Here

by Chelseadaggz



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelseadaggz/pseuds/Chelseadaggz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina returns from Neverland after being left behind and tortured at the hands of Pan to find the others happy and laughing without a care in the world, they don't care and she doesn't matter. Her despair takes her to an unthinkable place yet she didn't count on being wrong about two of the group who are devastated at her absence, can Emma save her before it's too late? SwanQueen<br/>Trigger Warning: Attempted Suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She gasped loudly at the sensation; it was as if she had been emerged into a sea of ice cold water only to emerge seconds later in the darkness. Her fingers clawed at the walls around her, the stone was grimy and mossy as if still wet with the water that had once been here. The light above was taunting as she felt her nails snapping and straining to keep her moving upwards towards it, she was exhausted but she couldn't stop, she couldn't succumb to sleep when she was almost out. The brunette almost cried in relief when her hands surfaced and gripped onto the mercifully dry edges of the well, if she cared she would have laughed at the similarity of her reappearance to that of Emma Swan yet she knew this time would be different, profoundly different. There would be no Henry shouting in surprised delight and relief at her return, no welcoming hug in which the boy would pour all of his love and affections. No, she would be alone once more just as she always had been in the place that she longed so much to return to.

The thick clouds that hung in the sky gave no indication of the time of day, it had been night when the portal had been opened in that godforsaken place, the fairy's features had danced in the moonlight, her soft smile of encouragement had been the only thing allowing Regina's feet to carry her forward into the swirling mists that awaited her.

Her body screamed in protest as she pushed down on her hands that rested on the edge in order to pull herself up enough to swing a leg over the side. She inhaled deep, heaving breaths as she sat for a moment longer straddling the wall of the well, her lungs burned for more air than she was able to give. Her head spun at the amount of fresh air she was finally getting, deep brown eyes shut tight momentarily as she waited for the dizziness to pass. She winced when the partially healed gash on her forehead opened once more when, in forgetfulness, she placed a steadying hand there. Her palm was decorated with a thin line of crimson but she let the pain fade to the back of her mind as she finally climbed down onto the forest floor.

Regina wasn't even sure how long she had been stuck, alone, in Neverland. It could have been hours, days, weeks, she couldn't be sure until she found the others. She had told them that no matter what, they were to get Henry by any means necessary and leave, to turn and run no matter what was happening or who was hurt. He was their priority and that was exactly what had happened. They had done it, they had brought him back and he was safe now.

As she moved towards the path leading back into the town, she was aware of the pain shooting through her legs as her booted feet connected with the floor. Every flex of muscle burned and left her biting back cries of agony. Pan had put her through hell; he had brought her to the edge of death too many times to count before allowing her to calm once more. It had rivalled and certainly topped the experience of torture she had felt at the hands of Greg and Tamara, they were merely pawns in their master's game and he had left no doubt as to how much power he held…yet it was not enough to match her own.

She hadn't realized how far she had walked, lost in her thoughts, until she heard a gasp from beside her. An elderly woman had emerged from her garden gate only to rear back inside upon the sight of Regina, yet it wasn't fear of her power that the brunette found reflected in pale blue eyes, it was horror at the sheer sight of her. Regina hadn't even considered how she must look; she hadn't had much time after escaping Pan's clutches before she had been able to return. She knew she felt like hell but she hadn't considered how she actually looked.

Reaching within her she found the familiar tingling of her magic yet when she tried to reach for it, she found she couldn't. Her body was shot; too exhausted to allow her the focus she needed in order to enact a spell. She would just have to remain as she were, bloodied and bruised she continued on to the one place she knew to find her son.

As the sight of Granny's came into view, she couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips. It was a signifier of the town, it was home. There weren't many on the streets, she chalked that up to the weather's doing. She hadn't noticed the chill until she looked at the ever greying sky, rain looked inevitable but as her legs carried her further forward, she couldn't find it in her to care any longer.

Shapes could be made out through one of the clear windows adorning the building and her breath caught as she spotted him. Her legs stopped moving as she stood, still a slight way away, and just looked at her boy. Regina had only seen him briefly in Neverland when they had finally found the Lost Boy's camp before all hell had broken loose. Now here he was, safe and home, laughing in the arms of the blonde. He looked as though he had no care in the world and right now…he didn't. Her heart dropped to her stomach at the realization…he didn't have a care in the world because he was safe and happy once again in the arms of his family…his real family.

The pale hand gripping his shoulder firmly and pulling him into her could belong to no other than Emma Swan, blonde curls shook as she laughed also at a joke her father had apparently told. There was such adoration in blue-green eyes as she looked down at the boy beside her to ensure he was gaining enjoyment also,  _her boy._

Tears stung at her eyes as she backed away from the diner slowly, her plan had been to walk in there, to grab her son and never let him go but now…now that she had seen just how happy he was without her, without the burden of wondering if she was going to show up or not, she couldn't take that away from him. She wouldn't spend her time as she had the past few months; she had learned that she couldn't force his love no matter how much she wanted it and no matter how much she loved him. What she could do was give him the easy option, the  _better_ option. Where her presence no longer worried him, where he wouldn't have to worry about her appearing and causing trouble for him and his family. She would do this for him, she would go.

With one final look at the boy she loved so dearly, she threw a hand to her mouth in order to muffle the sob that broke free from her lips and turned to make her way to her mansion, to the darkness. Her tear blurred eyes were possibly the only reason she didn't notice the pair of eyes watching her from across the street, narrowing in suspicion and malice as she limped away.

* * *

"I'm a light eater…" David said to Ruby as she looked to him for his order with a raised brow, "when its light I eat!"

The brunette rolled her eyes and allowed her lips to curl into small smile at the lame joke, Snow laughed politely as did Emma and Henry. All appreciated his attempts to lighten the mood but none could bring themselves to truly relax. The blonde's arm snaked around her sons shoulders and gripped tightly as she looked down at him with concern in her eyes, "You okay kid?" It was whispered in order to keep her parents noses out of her time with her son; he was like her in the respect that he valued privacy whereas the royal couple felt it was their right to know everything that transpired in their little family.

He sighed deeply as his fake smile fell from his face once more, he didn't look up, and he couldn't for fear of crying again. It was okay when they were in the privacy of his room or Emma's, he felt he could cry in front of her because sometimes, she would cry with him. It had confused him at first but he knew how his mother carried guilt, how she took responsibility for things that were sometimes out of her control. "I just…shouldn't she be back by now?"

She was running out of reasons that Regina could just be held back in Neverland without frightening him. The truth was, it had been a while now…almost too long and that scared her to death. The guilt was crawling its way through her body, seeping into her veins and running through her very bloodstream. She could have turned back, she could have told her parents to take Henry with them and she could have gone back for Regina, she should have. But then Neal had to get himself hurt and she'd had to step in and try healing him whilst getting him to where Rumplestiltskin was waiting with the portal opened…and then there had been no time. She had waited until the very last moment before climbing in, before leaving the woman in that place whilst they returned to the safety of Storybrooke…she could have stayed…she should have stayed and she knew Henry felt that too yet wouldn't say it out loud.

"Kid, if there's anything I know about your Mom, it's that she's unrelenting and she will fight her hardest to get back here to you," his hopeful eyes turned to her finally but she could still see the doubt fighting within them, "she'll be back."

His hand immediately reached out to take a fry when Ruby brought their orders out, food helped him take his mind off of her and Emma too if the way she was attacking her burger was any indication. What if she didn't come back? What if something had happened to her? They would never know, they would never find out and that frightened him more than anything. Images of her trapped in one of the bamboo cages he had seen Pan circling many a night during his captivity burned sickeningly through his mind, he knew what the boy was capable of and knew his mother wouldn't back down to him. She was possibly the stupidest villain he had ever met due to her stubbornness but she was also unbelievably brave. He knew she had sacrificed herself as a distraction to Pan whilst they rescued him but surely she had been able to get away? Surely she had been able to defeat him and had just missed the portal? It was the only hope he had right now and he clung to it fiercely with all he had.

"Now isn't this a pretty picture?"

Emma practically choked on the mouthful of fries she had just taken when the voice suddenly sounded beside them, "jesus Christ Gold!" she choked whilst Henry patted her back forcefully until a nod in his direction told him she was okay again, "little warning next time?"

He laughed maliciously at her discomfort, his eyes gleaming with information and he couldn't wait for the reaction this was going to reward him. "Now where is the fun in that Miss Swan?"

She rolled her eyes at him but couldn't help the warmth in her heart at the title he used, so reminiscent of Regina's chosen term for her…she missed it. "What do you want?"

"Can't I just stop by and see my Grandson every once in a while?" He feigned offense and laughed as he watched the lie detector in her eyes buzz. His smile only grew as she growled in irritation; this was going to be fun. The two royals remained silent but watching on the opposite side of their daughter.

She looked back down to her food once more before placing the burger in her hands down in order to clench her fists in an attempt to alleviate her annoyance with the imp. "I'll ask again, what do you want?"

"Okay you caught me," he leaned forward menacingly on his cane in order to truly witness the change that was to come over her face, "guess who's back…"

"My Mom?!" Henry cried, automatically jumping from his seat effectively bumping the table in his haste to move, his eyes glistened with happy tears that he hoped would not be in vain.

Rumple merely nodded his reply never taking his eyes from the blonde's face; her mouth had dropped open slightly as she tried to process his information. He suppressed a laugh as it closed and opened once more in readiness for her questioning, yet none ever came.

"Are you sure?" it was David's voice that came next as Henry still awaited Emma's movement in order to go find her.

The imp turned towards the Prince with only slight dislike on his face, "unless the Queen has a twin, which I highly hope not, then yes, I am quite sure."

Snow looked towards her daughter at this, she was confused as to her reaction and so reached forward to touch the hand that remained on the table top. Blue-green eyes slowly turned to find hers as she looked on with a frown, "sweetheart, are you okay?"

"Uh…yeah, I-"

"Emma, we need to go find her!" she started at Henry's exasperated shout and that seemed to pull her from her shock as she rose from the table still looking at her mother.

Rumple turned to her once more, "I wouldn't take the boy with you Miss Swan," her brow furrowed at this, "she wasn't in the best of conditions when I saw her and I doubt she would want her son to see her in such a state."

Emma's stomach rolled nauseatingly at the words, she didn't want to imagine what had happened to the woman in order to reduce her to such appearances but she was sure she would find out very soon. "Okay kid," she silenced Henry's rising protests with a raised hand and continued on looking sternly at him now, "I will call you as soon as she is ready to see you but for now, I need to go and see if she is okay…" She looked to her parents who nodded in silent agreement to watch Henry closely and ensure he didn't pull any of his escapist crap. "You'll see her soon, I promise."

She ignored the tears that filled his eyes as she left, she ignored the stares of the patrons who had quite clearly been listening in on their conversation and she ignored the chill of the air as she left the diner without her leather jacket. Her thoughts were only on the woman Rumple had told her had headed towards her mansion. Her focus was only on how she could not apologize to her enough and her mind was only on wondering the exact state she was going to find her in. There was no preparation for this.

* * *

The tiles of her bathroom were cool against her burning feet, it felt almost surreal to be here again. To be back in the suffocating silence of her house with nothing but her thoughts for company was almost crippling. She had hoped that after Neverland things could have been better, she had connected with Emma, had felt comfortable enough to share things with her but when the time came…it didn't matter, she didn't care about Regina, didn't even attempt to even fight her decision to leave, she just went and took Henry with her like she had always done.

Regina knew she couldn't face the town, couldn't face walking through streets to see the blonde and her son. To be allowed a wave from the boy she had raised for ten years, the boy she would lay her life down for and had done numerous times now…but it never mattered, she never mattered.

Her father had never attempted to take a stand for her; he had simply turned away whenever her mother's punishments would become too graphic for him. He would leave the room or subsequently the house in order to escape her agonised screams. He would do nothing to help her.

Her mother had constantly told her what a disappointment she was, a waste of space and beauty. Regina, in a state of despair, had attempted cutting her own face to take away that which her mother thought she could utilize. She had hoped that without the beauty her mother revelled in then she could be free, she would be left to do as she wanted but she had been caught, her mother had used magic to heal the deep lacerations she had inflicted on herself leaving only a line, a scare above her top lip as a reminder that there was no escape for her.

Daniel had been taken, robbed of life all because of her love, her stupid affections and inability to stop the mother she still loved even after she had taken her true love's heart.

The King had stripped her of all dignity and freedom within his clutches, ignoring her constant pleas of pain and unwillingness. He simply clamped a hand over her mouth and took what he believed was his anyway, the last of her innocence, treating her like some object of which he could use and store away for later use.

Snow White had only seen her as a replacement for the mother she had lost, a stand in carer and entertainer for the spoilt princess whilst her precious father's attentions were drawn elsewhere.

Then there came Henry, her Henry. The one thing she had been able to love and receive love from in return with no burdens of her past mistakes to taint their relationship…until he had discovered the curse and taken away what she had drank in greedily for so long.

She didn't matter; too many times she had been shown this by too many in her life. She'd had enough, one can only go through so much pain before they crack, before they collapse to the ground and allow the darkness to take them.

She wasn't sure how she had ended up there but as she lay her head back against the marble of her bathtub from her position on the floor, she couldn't bring herself to care. The water in the glass spilled over slightly with the trembling of her hand as she looked towards the rattling pills in her free hand. It wouldn't take long for them to take effect, then she would finally be free, she could escape the pain of this cruel world in hopes of finding her love once more. Maybe he would be waiting for her…maybe.

* * *

"Regina?" she found the door to be unlocked when, after endless minutes of knocking, she tried the handle. It creaked ominously throughout the silence of the mansion, it felt wrong to be entering without the brunette's position but she was worried and so couldn't seem to stop herself. Her booted feet thudded against the marble floor as she walked throughout the lower level in search of her. Every room appeared empty and untouched, a reminder that it hadn't been used in almost 2 weeks now.

The stairs creaked beneath her feet as she started her ascension, she had only ever been up to Henry's room briefly when they had been sneaking around so long ago. It felt like a lifetime ago to the blonde as she came to the familiar door, a small smile played at her lips as she remembered 'Operation Cobra' and how much simpler things had been at that time.

Her heart almost stopped when she heard a muffled cry coming from somewhere to her left, there was only one door in that direction…Regina's room. From what she could see as she drew closer, it was completely dark, curtains had been shut tight against the light of day. Peering through she found the bed to be completely untouched, maybe she had been hearing things. She was about to turn and leave when she almost tripped over something one the floor, bending down and feeling around lightly her hands came into contact with smooth leather boots, Regina's boots…she really was here!

Emma couldn't help but question the excitement that coursed through her at that thought but it was quickly replaced with fear when another soft sob sounded from somewhere nearby. Stepping further into the room her eyes were instantly drawn to a slither of yellow light spilling from the bottom of a door Emma hadn't noticed before, it must be the bathroom.

She hadn't noticed the trembling of her hands until they reached up to grasp the doorknob, she felt uneasy and infinitely worried about what she was to find behind the door. She was certain it was Regina, she could smell her now, the scent of lavender and citrus filling her nostrils as her eyes fluttered closed, she really had missed the woman.

* * *

It was now or never, someone was here, she knew that much. She had stalled for far too long and now that she could hear the rattling of the doorknob as it turned she needed to do it before the chance was taken from her.

With one last deep breath, shaky on the exhale, she slowly brought her full palm up to her open mouth and tipped its contents in a steady stream to a point in which she wasn't sure she would be able to swallow without choking…what did it matter though? As long as it worked.

As they lay in her mouth she cringed at the taste, the chalky texture and the thumping of her heart. Her eyes were streaming now as she fought back the sobs that would surely cause her to spit the pills from her tightly closed lips, it wouldn't do to lose a single one.

* * *

The light spilled onto her now as she slowly inched the door open, the shower lay dry and untouched as more and more of the bathroom came into view, the door to the cabinet over the sink lay open and swinging softly as if not long touched, her brow furrowed as she moved further into the room. Her heart stopping when she finally found the source of the noise, she felt sick as she watched the woman tilt her hand and close her mouth around a large amount of white pills.

Her legs carried her furiously over to the slouched form of the brunette and before she knew what she was doing her hand had gripped onto the whimpering brunette's chin whilst the other prised her clenched jaw open.

"No Regina, come on!" she was shouting furiously as she fought with the woman, she had tilted her forward in hopes that this would stop her from swallowing any. The brunette was strong in her fight against Emma but not strong enough, her tears obscuring any chance she had of getting away and weakened her trembling body. "Spit them out! Please! Regina you don't get to go this way!" She removed one hand and moved to hit Regina's curved back.

The vibrations created by the pounding on her back cause Regina to cough and subsequently cause a mountain of pills to fall from her open mouth as she spluttered and more and more pills fell. Emma used this chance to push a finger in and begin scraping any pills sticking to Regina's tongue or the inside of her cheeks out.

The fight was gone from Regina but her tears only doubled in force as she allowed the Saviour to save her once more, to stop her pitiful existence from terminating once again for reasons Regina couldn't fathom.

As soon as she was sure that she had successfully removed the contents from the brunette's mouth, she didn't think before pulling her into a hug, completely unaware of the jaggedness of the bones of the woman or her unnatural lightness in weight as she pulled the shaking body onto her lap and forced a brunette head under her chin as she rubbed her back.

"You're okay…I've got you, I'm here…I've got you Regina…"

Neither noticed the blood seeping from Regina's newly opened wounds as they rocked together, neither spoke about the stupidity of the brunette's actions only minutes earlier as they calmed their breathing together and neither cared to feel uncomfortable at their new closeness because both only focused on that. Both focused solely of the feeling at being near one another again and as Regina slowly allowed exhaustion to take over her despair, Emma couldn't help but feel as though she never wanted to let this woman out of her arms and only wanted to alleviate the fears and desperation she was clearly feeling. She wanted to protect the Queen, and protect her she would.


	2. Chapter 2

" _You don't even know if this is going to work Regina, it's too risky!" Emma exclaimed after listening to the stubborn brunette's plan, "how can you be so sure he's gonna go for you?" The others had gone off to prepare the area from which they would depart from once they had gotten Henry, leaving only his two mothers to formulate a plan of action, one that the brunette had been thinking about since they had found the camp of the Lost Boys._

_Regina only laughed, though not maliciously as it would have been only weeks ago, at Emma's inherited superiority complex; the Charmings really did think the sun shone out of their backsides._

" _Because, Miss Swan" she breathed out on a deep exhale in order to calm her aggravation with the woman," I am the most powerful here now that Rumple is out of the fight and the boy will respond to that." It was a simple statement yet filled with so much truth that an argument was hard to construct. There was no denying that Regina was now the most powerful, she wouldn't have been too far behind even if Rumple were to be fighting. Her deep emotions, while often troublesome when it came to clear judgement, would be detrimental in their rescuing of Henry. Emma had complete faith that Regina would succeed and somehow it wasn't a comfort to her._

" _I still don't think it's such a good idea…" Emma had felt uneasy about the plan since it had been thought up by the others. She knew none of the others would have a problem with Regina dying in order to ensure their escape but the blonde didn't want to leave that way, not again. It hadn't been so long ago that she had been the one to suggest leaving Regina to sacrifice herself in order to save them but now…well, now she had gotten to know the person behind the mask just a little bit better, she had seen the Dark Queen at her most vulnerable and couldn't helped but feel shocked at the human that lay behind the tough exterior, the mortal she wanted to learn more about, to learn more about from the woman herself._

_Regina's dark eyes gave Emma a quick once over before she looked back into the deeply wooded area once more in the direction they were to go, the way to the fight and to their son, "well, I'm sorry you feel that way but there aren't any other options." Her voice was steady yet Emma could hear the pain lacing every syllable, it wasn't fair that she was to be the hero of the moment once more and once again have her son snatched out from beneath her; it wasn't fair that she had to make this sacrifice but it was reality. It was what had to be done; they could only hope that she made it out alive…for Henry's sake at least._

" _There are always other options Regina," as stubborn as her father and optimistic as her mother yet even as she said it, she didn't believe it and the brunette knew this though she couldn't think why she was so against her giving herself up for Henry. She would get the better deal out of this; she would get him all to herself, a second chance for her as a parent without the interference of an adoptive mother. "Look," the mayor was startled out of her thoughts by the warm palm placed on her shoulder as green eyes bore into her own, "just…try to stay alive, okay?"_

_She only studied the blonde's expression for a moment, the pleading in her green eyes was evident yet Regina couldn't accept it, couldn't accept that this woman still wanted her to live even after everything she had done, it was unnerving and confusing she couldn't allow herself to lose focus, not now when so much was at stake "I make no promises…"_

_Both sets of eyes flickered to the sombre woman walking back through the woods in order to signal readiness, as Emma moved to follow her mother's now retreating form, she was stopped by a tight grip on her forearm. Dark eyes were turned once more to her own as a quiet seemed to hush over them, "Regina?" she was tentative, her voice soft as she watched the conflicting emotions across a statuesque face before the usual mask was placed back firmly in position._

" _You need to promise me something Miss Sw-_ Emma" _the brunette was looking at the younger woman imploring now as she spoke slowly in order to allow the words to sink in, "I go no further until you promise."_

_Her heart felt heavy in her chest, she knew what she was going to be forced to promise, "don't make me do this Regina…"_

" _I have to, for Henry, he needs at least one of us in his life Emma," the use of her name came more naturally now, both women knew the profoundness of such a gesture, "promise me."_

_Emma shook her head slowly whilst directing her tearing eyes to the floor, she felt as though she were suffocating and the tropical air of the island did nothing to help her situation, "I ca-"_

" _You have to!" the former Queen's voice was thick with emotion now as she gripped tighter on the arms of the woman before her, "you have to get him out of here Emma…" her voice was softer now, almost a whisper, "with or…without me."_

_She let the tears fall, she let her heart clench and her throat tighten with too many emotions to identify, it was too much and to know how hard Regina was fighting to keep it together knowing what was going to happen hurt all the more. "I…I promise…"_

_The blonde gasped as she was pulled into a tight hug by her former enemy yet her arms automatically flew to the woman's waist in a vice like grip as if they had done this many times before…they should have. The slight breeze now blowing around them felt nice on her skin as dark locks released an almost intoxicating scent as they were tousled by the elements. She inhaled deeply and pressed her face into the crook of a tanned neck, the shiver in response was noted yet left unaddressed by both as they revelled in what could be their last moments together._

_Neither could understand this need to be close yet, as Regina's hands curled into fists whilst clutching the material of Emma's black sweater and the blonde's lips pressed lightly against the skin of her shoulder, they couldn't say it felt wrong._

_They weren't sure how long they remained in the embrace before a small clearing of a throat pulled them apart reluctantly._

" _The Dark One says everything is ready and we need to move now…" the petite blonde looked at the ground near her feet as she blushed furiously at what she had witnessed. She had half expected the two to be at each other's throats with threats and jibes as they had been for the majority of her travels with the group…it seemed that all was not as it had first appeared._

_The women merely looked on at Tinkerbell with a steely determination laced with fear as they gave each other one last lingering glance and moved towards the end._

* * *

" _Where is he?!" Emma's scream could be heard clearly as it rang out across the clearing though none looked away from their fight, all were exhausted and all were running on sheer adrenaline as the sounds of swords clanging, bows strumming and the injured crying out filled the open air. "Where the_ fuck  _is my son?!" The desperation in her voice was emphasized by the sickening crack of her fist against a Lost Boys head. She had been hesitant at first but Hook had reminded her not to be fooled by their young faces, most were older than she yet they had ceased to age upon being brought here. It made the guilt a little less harsh but still it remained._

_Regina's magic ripped through any that dared to come within an inch of her, faces became a blur as she kept her focus on finding the infuriating captor of her child. She knew if she spotted Henry first then she wouldn't be able to stop herself from charging forward and grabbing him, that was Emma's job. Emma, who seemed to be faring well against Pan's boys, seemed to be making headway in clearing the way for her to reach the hollow tree in which they had seen Henry dash to once the fight broke out, Rumple had allowed Emma to reach into his mind the previous night with some sort of blood related enchantment that had required a lot of energy in using. She had been able to inform him of their rescue strategy, that part remained unchanged…the only difference now being their distraction in the form of his adoptive mother. Emma knew that if Henry were to catch on for only a second then their plan would be ruined, he would never allow Regina to offer herself up, not again, not after it had almost killed her the first time._

_Snow and David were, as predictable as ever, fighting as a unit. The Princess using her bow for longer ranged shots as the Prince covered his love with his sword wielding skills; they did look the formidable pair, even to the begrudging mayor as she let her eyes wander over more to find Hook in a head to head battle with Pan's right hand man. Neither seemed to be winning but neither would stop until the other was dead. Neal wasn't too far behind; he seemed to be guarding the spot leading to where Rumple was preparing for the creation of a portal. Sweat was pouring from the all at the exertion of the fight but none would let up until the boy was safe in their care once more._

_Her magic was fading by the minute, she needed to find him and soon. As her eyes swept the area once more she couldn't help but feel the stiffening in her muscles as her alerts were set on high. Something was wrong somewhere…a flash of blonde curls came into view yet they were not the ones Regina expected to see, they belonged to a rather dishevelled looking fairy, she was practically dead on her feet and becoming sloppy in her defences. Regina heard the arrow before she saw it but her hands had long since been thrown upwards pushing an unsuspecting Tinkerbell into the safety of the woods behind her. A small yelp of pain alerted her to the fairies landing whilst the arrow embedded itself into the chest of a bulky teenage looking boy who immediately fell to the ground, his eyes empty of the anger they previously contained._

_Her head whipped back violently as she was whipped into the air suddenly from a force she couldn't identify, the wind had been knocked out of her and she couldn't help but gasp in vain for air as her back collided roughly with the ground. A ring had formed around her now as the clearing went silent, he was here, had come…show time._

_She allowed a quick glance at the blonde as she sat up slowly, the only indication of communication was the blink and retreating form of Emma Swan as her eyes fell to the boy now standing before her. He smirked and lowered himself into a low bow as she stood._

" _We finally meet your majesty."_

_Regina merely scowled in response as he rose back to his full height once more. He was just as she had suspected, nothing more than a teenager on a power trip though she was not stupid, she knew of the boy's reputation for malice, his unforgiving ways that rivalled those of her own at the height of her reign as Evil Queen, if she were to die at the hands of this boy, at least it would be to a worthy opponent as opposed to some tragic victim._

" _No words your highness?" he mocked as he slowly circled her, the only indication of her acknowledgement of his presence was the way in which her dark eyes tracked him. "And I was so excited, I've heard so much about that viciously sharp tongue of yours…"_

_He was trying to goad her into making a move but it wasn't time yet, she didn't have the energy left for a long fight and Emma hadn't re-emerged from the tree yet with her son._

" _How does it feel?" he asked, finally coming to a halt only inches away from her face, "how does it feel to know you failed him yet again?" she tried to stop the look of guilt from crossing her features but his grin indicated that he had caught it. He had found her weakness and knew how to play her now; Emma really needed to get moving._

* * *

_It was a tight squeeze as she ducked into the hole within the tree, from the outside looking in, it just appeared to be an empty old oak yet as she entered the small space she found herself to be looking at a ladder moving towards the top, near to the branches. She couldn't be sure but there looked to be a light spilling out from somewhere above. She needed to find her son and they needed to get out of here before Regina went ahead with her stupidly heroic plans. They could all make it out of this alive if they just timed it right._

_Her muscles screamed in protest as she found the light to be growing in intensity as she ascended the hand-made ladder, no sound could be heard, not even from outside. It was quite disconcerting and more than a little claustrophobic as the width of the trunk began to narrow. Soon she wouldn't be able to climb any higher and that scared her, the thought of becoming stuck and the reason for the death of Regina and the cause of their failure in saving Henry._

_As the air grew dangerously thin, she found her hand to grip onto a ledge rather than a ladder rung, her brow furrowed as she pulled her body up and into a room that couldn't possibly be part of the tree. It was dark but she could make out the various pieces of furniture that had been whittled out of various materials found on the island. A hammock hung between two posts in the middle of the room and she identified the lump within it easily._

" _Kid!" she whispered loud enough for him to hear her, a little brunette poked out from the material and her heart warmed to see his radiant smile as he bounded over to her. "Jeeze, coulda given me some warning hey? I thought I was gonna suffocate before I found you!"_

_He laughed but kept his head buried in her chest as she embraced him, "sorry, I just didn't want anyone else to hear…where's Mom?"_

_She knew he'd ask questions but it didn't allow her to prepare any better, if she were to tell him the full truth there was no way he'd go with her, "she's waiting downstairs Henry, we gotta go."_

_Their climb down was much quicker as Emma practically slid all the way, her eagerness to ensure that her family, which somehow now included Regina, was still safe and all was going to plan. Henry was quick behind her but remained in the shadows when her hand came to rest on his chest as she stuck her head out of the trunk slowly._

* * *

_The flash of blonde in the corner of her eye was a godsend as Pan finally backed out of her personal space, her breaths were deep yet not noticeably different to those of any normal inhalations, she couldn't afford to let him see how much he affected her. Now was the time to start her distractions, she needed to get him riled up, to get him angry enough to attack, it was the only way to ensure Emma and Henry's safe crossing of the clearing without him seeing them._

" _I pity you boy…" her tone was soft as she looked him over, even though he had lived for many years, possibly more than she had lived, he still held the appearance of a young teenager. She noticed the anger in his eyes; it was the same that all of their kind held, the angry, the vengeful. To be pitied was to feel small, pathetic. It shrunk you down until you felt like a tiny bug waiting to be squashed underfoot. "Do you miss them?"_

_His eyes narrowed as if trying to figure out her angle, "I think the Queen may have forgotten her place boys," the surrounding children snickered at the threat of a punishment, Regina simply stood with her head held high, the subtle disappearance of the others her only incentive to continue. If they were moving that only meant that Emma had gotten Henry and was making her way to the others, she just had to keep Pan focused on her until they had left._

" _You think your power can match mine?" she spat at the boy before her, the widening of eyes surrounding the exchange was simultaneous as hands flexed at their leader and the witches hands as they prepared for the battle. "You are nothing more than a poor, worthless, lost boy."_

_The scream that erupted from the normally calm boy was animalistic as a bolt of energy was once again sent flying towards the brunette but this time she was ready. With her hands raised she caught the blazing white beam and twisted it to catch fire like a cord of rope leading back to its caster._

_Pan flinched away as the flames licked at his fingers before he was able to throw them upwards to disrupt the clouds, leading to a heavy downpour of water to fall towards the Dark Queen. She sent a sheet of fire and laughed when only a cloud of smoke washed over her shoulders. "Come now child," she narrowed her eyes condescendingly, "surely you can do better than that?"_

* * *

" _Henry, we need to go!" they had reached the area in which Rumple had automatically thrown open the portal in order to take them to safety. Snow and Charming had jumped through first hand in hand, closely followed by Hook and Neal, that left only the three of them as the sky blazed shocking colours, obvious effects of the battle raging behind them._

_He was grappling with his birth mother in order to get to his adoptive mother; he knew now what was happening. "We can't just leave her!" he screamed in protest, his eyes wide as he looked up pleadingly to his mother, "we can't let her die here!"_

" _She's not going to die Henry!" Emma choked out but was not entirely convincing either of them, Rumple was looking flustered behind them as the portal began to shift and shrink in size slowly, they needed to go. "She's too strong to die here but I made her a promise" she looked him dead in the eye now as she spoke to ensure he understood her, "I promised her that no matter what, I would get you to safety. She is fighting back there to get us home and the longer we stand here, the better chance Pan has of hurting her, do you understand me?"_

_His eyes were flooded with tears that fell as he nodded his head albeit begrudgingly, "okay but…"_

" _She'll be okay Henry, she'll be okay."_

* * *

_He looked up from his place on the floor, blinking in confusion as he remembered what had happened. Instantly his head shot up to find Felix, the Queen was panting heavily from obvious exhaustion but the fire in her eyes remained, he realized now that he had allowed his anger to make him foolish. "They're leaving, find them, bring the boy back to me!" He had collapsed with the sensation of people escaping fro Neverland's clutches, he had only felt it once before and so was not prepared for the feeling it brought._

" _NO!" her scream was blood curdling as a burst of energy flew from her small frame, enveloping them all in some sort of barrier spell. The air around them crackled with energy as many boys shrunk down to the ground in pathetic surrender. Pan's eyes were wide as he watched them practically bow to her power, "You will not touch them!"_

_The purple shone violently in her eyes as she moved closer to him, as he rose he could feel the portals energy waning yet the boy remained, he grinned manically at her as he let his eyes focus on the here and now. "He's still here…" her snarl faltered momentarily as she took in his words, she knew instantly who he meant and knew why Henry was still here…_

_He needed to go and he needed to go now, the barrier spell was drawing heavily from her, draining her body of the little energy she had left. The feeling of light headedness was almost frightening but it was the thought of Henry that kept her standing on unsteady legs, the need for Emma to take him away was almost suffocating but she kept her gaze strong._

* * *

" _Miss Swan," came the imp's shout as the portal continued shrinking, "we need to move now!"_

_With a last look behind her to the purple wall of energy that had ricocheted into the air only moments before, Regina's doing she assumed, she whispered a small "thank you," before pulling Henry with her into the portal followed by the Dark One._

* * *

" _NO!" Pan suddenly screamed from his place on the ground as Regina allowed herself a small grin, she had felt the shift herself, had felt the drawing of magic from the ground around them as the portal closed in on itself. He was safe…Henry was safe…_

_Her back collided hard against the wood of a tree as Pan used her current weakness and the breaking of the barrier spell to catch her off guard. She only allowed a small groan of pain to escape from her lips as a shadow formed above her, a menacing grin came within her eye level as she felt him grip her chin between his thin, spindly fingers._

" _I didn't appreciate that your majesty," he spat in her face as her eyes closed against the foulness of his breath, "Henry was an adequate little play toy…looks like I'll have to find another."_

_Her thoughts, as Pan began to exact his punishment on her weakened form, were not of Pan's threats or even the agony he was subjecting her too. No, they were of the blonde curls she would never get to touch, the blue-green eyes she would never see again and the chances to live she had allowed to pass her by due to sheer stubbornness and as the darkness began to creep into her vision after a magically imparted blow to her head that sent her flying into the dirt, she allowed a tear to fall to mourn the loss of what could have been._

' _Then love again…' he had said to her yet she had still shut herself off to the chance just as she always had…_

" _I'm sorry Daniel…" she whispered into the coming darkness, her eyes closing in preparation to be taken as she fell numb to the violent blows she was receiving, "I'm sorry…_

_Emma…"_


	3. Chapter 3

" _NO!" her scream echoed from the trees of the surrounding forest causing those ahead to pull back once more, the jovial smiles on their faces faltering as they took in the sight of the blonde kneeling on the floor before the well. The blonde's head was pressed into claw like hands that practically tore at golden curls as her body shook with her sobs. Henry was merely looking at the place from which they had just emerged from only moments before; his eyes were glossed over with unshed tears as his tiny hands curled into fists at his side._

" _You…you lied to me?!" it was merely a whisper yet she heard it all the same through her own muffled cries, "you lied to me!" his voice only grew in volume as his anger built at the woman kneeling before him as if she had suffered some great loss, as if she had just been tricked into leaving her mother behind…_

" _Henry I…" she looked up finally at the boy behind her, what could she say to him? What could she possibly do to ease the pain she knew was rising within him as it was her. Nothing, there was no coming back from this for her…she could have stayed, she should have stayed._

_Standing slowly still facing the well that should have Regina climbing from it at any moment scolding Emma for taking too long to leave the island but instead it remained empty. She raised her hands slowly and closed her eyes; trying to reach for the magic she knew was inside of her whilst focusing on the anger she was feeling due to having to leave the woman behind. Regina shouldn't have to have sacrificed herself for them and Emma wasn't about to let her. Snow and David only watched with their breaths held as they watched their daughter attempt to perform magic once again, they were constantly worried that one day she would turn with the same look Snow had caught so many times in her step mother when she was younger and the darkness was building within her, she couldn't bear to see the same expression on her daughter's face._

_The anger was easy to grasp onto, the magic however, was not. Why couldn't she do it? Sure it had been hard to do so before but now? It was practically impossible. Desperate eyes found the imp watching impassively from behind, his eyes held no sympathy yet were full of understanding and if she were correct, a slight smirk._

" _Why isn't it working?" she spoke with more venom than she meant but his demeanour was not helping at all, "Tell me!" she growled when his smirk grew._

_Neal shifted uncomfortably as his father walked towards the blonde, the shift in power elongating his posture as he fell back into his favourite role. "Do you really think our Queen would want to play rescue victim Miss Swan?" he couldn't deny the enjoyment he felt at the confusion on her face. "When she told you her plan to distract Pan and the knowledge that she could die in doing so…did you really believe that was some plea for help?"_

" _No…but what does that have to do with my magic? Why can't I access it?"_

_He rolled his eyes at her density, "you are the Saviour dearie," he couldn't suppress the dark chuckle when she flinched at the title, "you save people whether they want it or not, Regina knows this quite well by now, am I right?" the blonde nodded begrudgingly, she had saved the brunette more than a few times now much to Regina's dismay, "and she is an intelligent woman, she knew that if she weren't to return with us it would be only for Henry's protection meaning she needed to get him away. In the process of this, she knew you wouldn't be able to resist playing the Saviour once more and jeopardising her son's safety by trying to get her back here."_

" _She…she put some kind of curse on me?!" Emma exclaimed, it shouldn't be so surprising but she thought things had changed between them, that there was something there…"the hug…"_

_He only chuckled and shrugged in response in a way that said 'now you get it.'_

" _She…she tricked me?! Oh my God! How could she be so stupid!" She was pacing the clearing now as Henry frowned up in response._

" _No," her head snapped to the right but her glare softened when she realized it was Henry who had spoken, "she saved you…" of all the adults that roamed the streets of Storybrooke, all of the villains and good guys that came with the curse and inhabited Neverland, Henry had remained the most intelligent and wise when it came to the actions of those around him. Emma had her lie detecting super power, Henry had the power of insight, he understood the thought process between the decisions people made, he was able to step away and read between the lines._

" _No Henry, she was playing the hero, being a martyr, being an idiot!" Emma's returned as her hands crackled with energy, her magic. With a gasp she turned abruptly back to the portal and brought forward the image of Regina, instantly the energy faded until she could only feel the anger again. "What the hell?!"_

" _It seems our former mayor was correct," came Rumple's voice once more, "you really are as dense as your father."_

" _Hey!" came David's protest but a pointed glare from Snow silenced anything more that he had to say, instead he returned an anxious gaze to his slowly unravelling daughter, he didn't fully understand why she was so upset but chose not to question it at this point._

" _Emma, she didn't take your magic from you, she needs you to protect me…and yourself…" Henry could also tell his mother's feelings went beyond frustration with his Mom and whilst he couldn't really understand it, he could accept it and help, "she just didn't want you to find her."_

" _Please, no comments about always finding each other dearie," Gold feigned disgust with a fleeting glance to her parents but Emma missed it completely, her head reeling. Why would she do something so stupid? Her first instinct was to question why she hadn't done the same kind of thing with Rumple but she almost laughed it was so amusingly painful; he wouldn't help her, why would he wish to bring back his biggest threat to power? It was almost upsetting how well the woman seemed to know Emma, the way she seemed to guess that the blonde's first instinct upon returning would be to find a way to get Regina back too and had stopped any chance she had of doing that…but this couldn't be the end of the annoyingly frustrating, stunningly beautiful woman that Emma had found herself to care for in their days in Neverland…could it?_

* * *

" _I hope you know this changes nothing," the fairy muttered as she wiped the dirt from Regina's face with a rag soaked in lake water, "because it doesn't…I still ha-" but she couldn't say the words…not when the woman had saved her from certain death at the point of a poisoned arrow, not when she had given her life to save her son and those with him whether intentional or not…no, this woman was not the same that had scorned her so long ago._

" _Why would you do something so idiotic?" her head shook as she moved on to clean the skin exposed by her torn shirt, the black vest underneath had ridden up due to her position on the ground within the tree house. "You didn't need to do that; I could have helped you…"_

_It had been a couple of days now since she had brought Regina back to the safety of her home, she had found the brunette slumped against the bark of a tree, tied up and ready for Pan's return. She was in a bad way though the fairy couldn't tell the full extent due to the woman's unconscious state, all she could do was tend to the surface wounds and wait it out._

* * *

" _Honey…" her mother's tone was irritatingly condescending; she couldn't handle yet another lecture._

" _Don't even say it," she continued scanning the page in front of her for some kind of clue as to what she could do, "I know what you think of me."_

" _Emma, sweetheart," the blonde's eyes rolled as she managed to hold in the huff of exasperation desperate to escape. "You know Regina doesn't do these things half-heartedly, I can't see there being a loophole for this one…"_

" _What happened to the overly optimistic woman I used to know huh?" finally she turned to face her mother standing in her doorway, "what happened to 'there's always a way'? Cause I sure as hell could use that woman right now."_

_She almost moved to sit next to her daughter on the double bed but stopped herself, Emma wasn't one for physical comfort, usually the right words worked much more effectively than a hug. "I just want you to understand that…that maybe finding Regina isn't necessarily the best thing to do…"_

_Emma's jaw almost hit the floor as she looked at Snow, "how could you even say that?! She saved our lives and…and you don't even think we should try?"_

" _No, that's not how I meant it Emma!" Snow's voice raised in volume slightly now, she had skirted around the subject and allowed the blonde to get on with her attempts at bringing Regina back, "I just mean you need to accept the reality that maybe Regina can't be brought back…that there may not be a Regina to bring back…"_

" _W-what?" the brunette's heart dropped in her chest as she heard her Grandson's voice from behind her on the stairs; she hadn't heard him returning with David. The prince had finally encouraged him to go out for some fresh air after the boy had spent the last few days hardly speaking. Regina's current absence was affecting him greatly and she had now gone and put her foot in it._

" _Henry I…I didn't…I" she looked back towards her daughter with wide eyes who had risen from her place on the bed and was moving straight after her retreating son._

_Heavy footsteps could be heard descending as Henry fled from the apartment in tears, "how could you?!" Emma shot a glare at her guilt stricken mother as she followed her son outside._

_Her hands came to cover her face as tears automatically fell, she felt horrible, how could she have let Henry hear that after all he had been through lately. A hand on her shoulder made her jump as she looked up to the disappointed face of her husband, "David I-"_

" _I think you've said enough Snow," the fact he wasn't shouting only made it worse, "come on; let's go get you some tea."_

* * *

_When Emma had finally caught up with Henry, they were halfway to the mansion. She had to give it to the boy, he was fast. Even when she was close enough to grip the back of his shirt and bring him to a stop, she didn't. She merely followed, allowing him to go where he felt he needed to be at this moment which was clearly with the mother he may now have lost forever._

_She didn't think twice as she followed him into the empty house, kicking the door shut as she moved to follow him up the stairs and into a bedroom she had never been in before, Regina's bedroom._

_It was like she had run straight into a wall; she was hit with the scent of the woman hard as she crossed the threshold. Emma had never noticed it before but she knew it, it was like the essence of the brunette was still lingering within the room._

_Henry had thrown himself straight onto the queen sized bed with face buried into a pillow Emma suspected was his mother's. Her heart ached at the sounds of his sobs only muffled slightly by his position, he had only just accepted that it was going to be hard to get her back here but now to hear that she may not even be alive anymore, that she might be…and from Snow White of all people, the truest believer in faith and hope…it was too much for him._

* * *

_She awoke with a gasp as consciousness crept back upon her, the world above was a blur and the ground beneath slightly hard, she was lying upon a thin blanket beneath her. Instead of seeing sky, the last thing she remembered seeing before passing out, she only saw wooden boards, a roof of some sort but…where was she?_

" _Oh god, you're awake!" she flinched at the sound of another voice, a voice she recognised…Tinkerbelle's voice. "How are you feeling?"_

_How was she feeling? She was shocked if anything, she hadn't actually expected to wake up at all…frowning, and she raised herself up slowly in order to look at the woman before her. She groaned as she felt twinges of pain throughout her body as her muscles screamed at the movement. "I…I don't really know…"_

" _Hmm…well, I don't suggest moving much right now, you've been out for quite a while." Tinkerbelle seemed to be studying her carefully as she spoke as if waiting for the ball to drop, waiting for the woman she knew from so many years ago to appear._

_The brunette's heart thumped in her chest, "how long is a while?" she knew it would have been quite some time after all Pan had put her through but it scared her not knowing what had been going on at home and here whilst she was unconscious, what if Pan had managed to follow them through? What if he had found a way to Storybrooke?_

" _I'd make it to be around 9 days…"_

" _9 days! Oh my God!" she exclaimed whilst wincing at the pain she felt after flying from her seat "I need to get back…I need to-"_

" _Regina calm down," the fairy had walked over to the woman on the verge of hysterics and placed steadying hands on her shoulders whilst finding deep brown eyes, "I can get you home…"_

_Immediately she looked up to the woman she had been sparring with since reuniting with her, "why would you help me?" her eyes were narrowed in suspicion as she backed out of her hold._

" _Do you think I don't know how you saved me in the fight Regina?" the brunette looked away sheepishly, she had forgotten throwing the fairy into the woods as it had been such a small part of the bigger event, "I still hold you responsible for the way my life turned out but…well, I also owe you my life and so I'm doing what you asked of me, I'm choosing love and helping you get back to your son…"_

* * *

" _What if she doesn't come back?" came the timid voice from beside her, when Henry's sobs had only increased, Emma thought it best to climb onto the bed beside him in order to give some comfort in a hopeless time. She couldn't tell him that she was coming home, she couldn't lie and give him false hope, and especially not when it came to something so sensitive._

_Her fingers continued moving in soothing circles on his back as she watched him playing with the fabric of the pillow beneath his head. Every now and again he would turn his head and take a deep inhalation of the residue essence of Regina, she smiled every time. "Henry, can you do something for me?"_

_Red-rimmed eyes looked up at her questioningly as his brow furrowed, when she merely stared back at him he nodded slowly._

" _I want you to close your eyes," when she paused he did so, "and I want you to stop thinking and just feel…"_

" _Feel what?" his eyes almost opened once more but remained closed when she spoke again._

" _Just…feel."_

_He couldn't understand what good this was going to do but he had to do something, he needed to stop imagining his mother lying face down in Neverland whilst Pan stood over the top of her. It made him feel sick. As he lay allowing his thoughts to slip away finally, he focused only on what he could feel within him…who he could feel within him. He couldn't help the small smile from gracing his features as he looked up to find Emma smiling down at him._

" _You feel that don't you?" he nodded in response as his smile remained, "you tell me she's not coming back kid"_

* * *

_Her nerves were shot as she glanced down into the portal before her, Tinkerbelle had agreed to part with the last of her pixie dust that she had been keeping in order to return to the Enchanted Forest but had argued that Regina's need was much greater. That is how they found themselves saying goodbye for what could be the final time._

" _I…I don't know how to thank you…" Regina couldn't look the woman in the eye, how could she when she was taking away her only means of escape from this hellish island, it was wrong but she needed to get home to Henry, she needed to know he was okay and Tink was giving her the solution._

" _Just go look after your son Regina," the fairy smiled softly at the woman as the winds caused by the portal picked up around them, "time to go."_

_Her heart rate quickened at the words, she wasn't sure where in Storybrooke she would emerge or in fact when but no matter the consequences, she would be where her son is and that was all that mattered…she couldn't help but welcome the sight of a certain blonde also but let that thought float to the back of her mind as she took one last fleeting glance to Tinkerbelle and stepped forward into the unknown._

* * *

Her eyes felt heavy as she inhaled deeply upon waking, her body ached from the awkward position she had fallen asleep in, she couldn't be sure but she felt as though she was sitting up still. The form beneath her was moving, her head rising and falling in time with the breaths she felt blowing against her hair. She brought the hand resting on the moving object to wipe over her face as if willing herself to wake up fully.

Her head pounded whilst her eyes stung as she opened them slowly, the first thing she noticed was the bathroom, her brow furrowed as she tried to recall what had happened…that's when her eyes moved to the ground and over to the spilled pills decorating the floor and her heart dropped instantly…that's when she realized that the form beneath her was not that of an object but of a person…a sleeping person…a sleeping Emma Swan….and she was wrapped up in the strong arms.

The blonde stirred slightly as she felt the brunette stiffen in her arms, instinctually she hugged the woman tighter to her body pressing her face into silken hair…then she woke up properly…then she let Regina go and moved onto her feet…then she looked at the woman she had practically thrown to the floor in her surprise, the woman who had only, mere hours ago, tried to take her own life…the woman looking up at her with the most heart breaking of expressions on her faces.

"Regina I…I'm sorry…" she tried moving towards the brunette as tears began to fall once more, tears of rejection and confirmation of what she had already felt. She accepted the hand that was held out to her though moved to the other side of the bathroom in order to move away from her. The red line on her forehead that was still seeping with blood only heightened the sense of guilt the blonde was feeling. Why had she reacted in such a way when it was her who had pulled Regina into her arms? "I didn't mean to…I, I panicked when I felt you on top of me…I…" her head fell dejectedly and that was when Regina saw it, the sincerity of her words could be felt across the distance and the walls that had automatically assembled in her rush for a defence didn't seem so strong…

She didn't speak; she merely gave a small look of understanding before she moved to clear the mess from the tiles. Her hands shook as she bent and was met with the face of Emma once more, "I'll get those, then I need to clean you up…" gone was the initial fear of Regina closing up, she was too vulnerable right now, too raw to slip into her mayoral façade and Emma wasn't going to waste the chance of getting the woman to open up to her, she was far too happy that she was actually here and alive.

She watched as the brunette stood slowly and walked towards her bedroom, her silence was unnerving but seemingly necessary; she didn't have the words right now to give to the blonde. She didn't have the explanations for the state she had been found in…if she were completely honest, she couldn't remember much after finding her son and his mother in the diner…she wasn't even sure how she had gotten home. The sight of the pills however had turned her stomach, she had remembered the feeling that had been weighing her down when she had poured the contents of her medication into her hand, the feeling of desperation at hearing someone on the other side of the door and the fleeting sense of hope she had felt at being pulled into strong arms, caring arms…

…Emma's arms.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Regina didn't even flinch as Emma pressed the damp cloth onto the various cuts marking her body, she was still in the silk nightgown the blonde had found her in, this would make the clean-up much easier and far less intrusive.

The room was dark until Emma reached for the chord to turn on Regina's bed side lamp, it was dim but enough to allow the blonde to see the extent of the damage to the brunette's body. She was able to swallow the gasp trying to force its way from her throat yet found it harder to swallow the bile that rose from sheer guilt, she could have stayed, and she should have stayed.

Usually tanned skin was far paler although the light was casting a golden glow; strong thighs now appeared thin and frail as they trembled gently though whether that was from being cold or something else, Emma did not know. Regina's head was down, lank dark locks hung limply framing her face but the tears falling onto her knees were visible as Emma moved to kneel before her.

Angry red marks covered most of the skin on her arms and legs, even when the blonde placed a gentle hand to steady one of Regina's knees she didn't give any sign of acknowledgement or resistance and so she began working on wiping away the evidence of her ordeal. The silence was almost suffocating as too many things were filling the air around them yet not being addressed; she knew she needed to ask about what had happened earlier but what could she say? Would she like the answer she received?

"Why?" it came out so softly that if she hadn't felt a deeper breath of Regina's washing over her, she wouldn't have known it had been acknowledged at all. The sound of the exhale was almost painful, laden with the guilt and anguish Emma knew was weighing heavily on the older woman.

Regina didn't know how to respond, the sting of the cloth against her wounded skin was the only thing keeping her here. She felt as though she was floating, not here in this moment. Her head was everywhere and nowhere all at once. "It doesn't matter…" she finally breathed, Emma was almost too immersed in her task of caring for the brunette to hear it, she didn't miss the second phrase however, "I don't matter…"

"What?!" it came out louder than it was supposed to and caused Regina to flinch back slightly, reminding her of the echoing of Pan's voice throughout the forest as he marked her, the whip her mother seemed to favour in her own acts of abuse against a young, quivering brunette. All wanting more than she could give, all throwing her away when they felt they had no use for her. "I…Regina, I'm sorry it's just…" Emma placed her hands over the ones wringing in Regina's lap. "How can you think you don't matter?"

Green eyes lowered to catch the watery brown orbs that appeared seemingly empty upon first glance, she couldn't contain her gasp however when they met her own. "How can you say that I do?"

Emma would be a fool if she didn't know where this was coming from, Henry had told her of his time spent in the camp of the Lost Boys…the things Pan did to strip the islands inhabitants of their hope. With no hope they had no incentive, with no incentive they fought for no escape. There had been numerous nights in which Emma had raced to her son's room in order to wake him from the clearly terrifying nightmares he was suffering as repercussions from Pan's actions. He would appear surprised at her appearance as though he had truly believed he was back there and she was not coming for her. Her son was arguably the most imaginative and believing of children so for him to have lost hope…she could only imagine how Regina felt now.

"What did he show you?"

Instantly Regina's brow furrowed, what was she talking about? "What did who show me?" her voice was still small but the blonde was relieved to hear at least a little more life in it.

"Pan…" she knew how this was going to go, it had been the same with Henry only he had the horrible task of finding it out for himself. "Whenever you slept, no matter how long," brown orbs darted between hers as Regina listened intently, "he was showing you things, polluting your mind, do you…" she hesitated, not wanting to cause the woman more distress, "do you find you're feeling a lot less…alive than usual?" she knew it sounded ridiculous but it was the only way Henry had been able to describe it to her until she had realized what had been going on.

Regina nodded slowly, "I…I just feel like…like I can't lift this thing from me, like I can't remove this lump from my throat no matter how many tears I let fall…I just…I can't Emma!" she was almost screaming in desperation now, her hands clawing at the blonde's back when she was pulled into a tight embrace on the bed. Her head was buried in the crook of Emma's neck as heavy sobs wracked her body.

Emma had thought Henry's initial breakdown had been hard, he had cried for hours in her arms, the sounds increasing whenever her hands would shift to make them both more comfortable as if he was afraid she was the only thing keeping him in this moment but Regina…Regina was something else. Every cry was like a knife to her skin, every wail rung through her painfully as if the sound was reverberating through her. Instinctively the younger woman trailed a hand through dark, slightly damp locks in an effort to soothe the feelings she could do nothing about, not until Regina learnt to control them herself.

She knew the woman had fallen asleep when the sounds had stopped and her breathing had evened out, it was quite disconcerting to feel how limp she had fallen into Emma's arms, it wasn't an enjoyable feeling for the blonde and so she slowly moved to lay the woman down so that her head was cushioned by the pillows at the head of the bed, Regina's earlier seated position came in quite handy and it made pulling back the covers a lot simpler for Emma as she kept one hand underneath the brunette's head in order to make sure she wasn't jostled awake.

The blonde resisted the urge to press a tender kiss to each and every bruise decorating lean legs as she lifted them to the bed and pulled the covers over the woman. Her face looked the most serene Emma had possibly ever seen it, she looked so soft and innocent, so much younger without the mask of make-up she never went without. Even when they were trailing through the forest searching for Henry, the brunette had always awoken earlier than the rest in order to make herself 'presentable', Emma couldn't help but wish she would allow others to see her as she was now, so tragically beautiful.

Waiting a few more moments to check she was in a deep sleep and was okay…and to look at her a little longer, Emma turned and made her way downstairs. She wasn't going to leave; she couldn't do that to the woman so she had left a little note on the bedside table ensuring that, should Regina wake before she returned, she would know that Emma had stayed.

* * *

The best course of action, she thought as she walked into the woman's pristine kitchen, it felt cold as though it too had felt the absence of the woman greatly in the time that she had been away, was to make the necessary phone calls. It had been a good few hours since she had left the diner to come here and she knew Henry would be running himself, and her parents, ragged in his attempts to rush on over to the mansion. She would have to explain a few things to him first, Regina was in no way ready to see anyone other than her…to be honest, she wasn't even sure the woman was ready for any type of interaction at all but she knew she was needed here and she would do whatever it takes to help the adoptive mother of her son, the woman she had come to care for deeply and had missed greatly in the time that she had been trapped in Neverland at the mercy of Peter Pan.

Henry, unsurprisingly, answered after only two rings. "Emma? How's my Mom? Is she OK? What's happened? When can I come see her?"

She couldn't help but laugh at the speed of his questions yet the answers she needed to give had her silent in mere moments, "Hey kid, she's…well, she's as OK as she can be at the moment"

"What does that mean?! Is she hurt?"

"Henry, you've got to give me a chance to explain," when the line remained silent she asked, "can you do that for me?"

He sighed heavily down the phone in irritation and nodded his head before he remembered she couldn't see him, "yes, just tell me she's alright?"

"She…" finding the words to explain without scaring her son was difficult, she didn't want to overstep any boundaries with the woman upstairs but she didn't want Henry asking intrusive questions when she finally allowed him to see his mother. "Henry, do you remember what happened to you after you got home?" when he was silent, she explained further, "what Pan did to you?"

His gasp was audible as he thought of how horrible that time had been, "is she seeing things too?" his voice was so small yet so full of emotion, Emma physically winced.

"No Henry, not yet…she's at the beginning still but I think…I think it's going to start soon."

His next question was so predictable; even he seemed to know the answer before he asked "can I come see her?"

"Henry, I don't think she's ready yet…" Emma's brow furrowed and her heart clenched as she imagined the look on her son's face at her response, "I know you really want to and she'll want to see you too but…"

"She needs time," it was times like this that she was so proud of her son's maturity at such a young age, yet she felt absolutely devastated at the reasons why. He had been forced to grow up so early on in life and had a great deal of responsibility placed on his shoulder. "Will you stay with her?"

"Of course Henry," she nodded as she spoke, "I'll take care of her"

"Do you promise?" she almost laughed as she imagined his raised eyebrows and stern expression, he really was Regina's son sometimes, and something she couldn't help but feel pleased about.

"I promise can you put Snow on kid?" she then asked, this conversation was sure to be awkward enough without telling her that she was going to be staying at her greatest enemies house indefinitely.

"Yeah, I'll get her" he shouted his Grandmother from his place in the house before he heard his mother calling his name once again, "yeah Mom?"

"I love you and I am so proud of you OK?" her tone was soft and a lump building in her throat at the unexpected surge of pride she was feeling.

"I love you too Ma, just…just get her better, please."

* * *

The conversation with her mother had gone as expected and after much argument Snow had agreed to drop off some of Emma's things at the mansion, knowing her daughter's stubbornness was something she couldn't rival and didn't have the energy to try. Emma also had the foresight to ask the woman to pick up a basic amount of groceries and so had begun the task of throwing out the expired products from Regina's fridge and pantry.

She had checked on the still sleeping brunette at regular intervals, sometimes staying for longer moments just in case the small whimpers that would escape from Regina were going to grow into anything more. It wouldn't be long now; it hadn't taken long for Henry's memories to start flooding back. Emma simply had to prepare for when they did.

* * *

She had just about finished sorting through the kitchen when there was a soft knock at the door, Emma had warned her mother not to ring the doorbell or make any noises loud enough to possibly wake or startle Regina, she was glad she had listened for once.

"Hey," she said by way of greeting as she opened the door to a concerned looking Snow, she took a couple of the bags from her mother as she moved into the foyer and placed them down on the laminate flooring. The sound of footfalls behind her let her know her mother was following, as well as the sound of boots on top of that, her father was here. "Hey David," she ignored the wince of disappointment when she didn't call him Dad, Snow did the same thing and every time she just pretended she hadn't noticed.

"If you could just place those on the kitchen countertop, that would be great," she forced a smile out at the pair as she moved to grab the rest of the bags containing her stuff from the front door. "Where's Henry?" she asked upon walking back into the kitchen, she had looked out to the car to check they weren't stupid enough to bring the boy, although he had promised to give Regina space, Emma wasn't under the illusion that he wouldn't even try to see her given a good enough chance.

"He's seeing Neal for a little while," Snow was studying her daughter as David unpacked the groceries and placed them beside or underneath the areas in which he assumed they would go, he wasn't idiotic or impolite enough to begin rooting through Regina's things even if it was only to put food away. "He's worried about her."

"And rightly so," her defensive nature kicked in immediately when she picked up on the slight bitterness lacing her mother's tone, normally she could just ignore it the way she had when Regina had spoken about Snow in such a way whenever they would talk in Neverland, but she didn't know what the brunette had gone through, what she was about to go through and so had no right whatsoever to judge or question Henry's affections towards the woman who had saved their lives and been willing to give her own.

Snow could see the fire dancing behind her daughter's eyes and immediately softened; she couldn't afford to push her away, not when her loyalties were so clearly already swaying to the woman upstairs. She couldn't lose her daughter to Regina and if allowing Emma to play babysitter until she realized Regina's vindictive ways was the only way to do it, then she would back off…still keeping a watchful eye though…she couldn't be expected to let it go completely.

"Emma, we just want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into," David, ever the mediator, placed a comforting hand on his wife's shoulder as he watched his daughter move about the kitchen as if she had lived here all of her life, "we just want to ensure that you're OK."

She wanted to slam her hands down on the countertop in frustration; she wanted to scream that she wasn't the one they should be concerned about, she wanted to stamp her feet and throw the biggest most idiotic temper tantrum she could muster and she would have, if it wasn't for the state of the woman upstairs, the woman who had always appeared so strong and put together, the woman who Emma could never imagine being scared or afraid, the woman who had, only a matter of hours ago, tried to take her own life to escape the pain she was currently feeling.

"I'm fine," she finally replied through gritted teeth, she was almost growing light-headed with the deep calming breaths she was taking in an attempt to calm down. They needed to go, they needed to leave now and allow her to do what she came here to do. "I appreciate you guys coming but I have a lot to do," she watched the usual flash of hurt that moved across their eyes as she rejected their attempts to coddle her, normally she would, in some way, try to comfort them but right now her patience was running extremely thin.

David seemed to understand as he gave her a nod and placed a hand on Snow's lower back in order to steer her from the room, "let's go sweetheart, call us if you need anything?" at Emma's nod he successfully led a shocked Snow White from the mansion. Emma wasn't surprised she hadn't said goodbye, Snow could be extremely selfish sometimes and it was becoming harder for the blonde to ignore the spoilt princess act.

* * *

Rubbing her forehead in an attempt to soothe the impending headache, she located Regina's medicine drawer and pulled out a bottle of paracetamol. As she pressed down and twisted to open the child-proof lock, she watched as she poured a couple into her hand…then a couple more, then a few more and finally the contents of the bottle lay in the palm of her hand as she looked at the white pills. The same white pills she had knocked from Regina's mouth by banging on her back, the same white pills she had scraped from Regina's mouth with her finger…the same white pills that Regina had used in an attempt to take her own life.

Emma slid to the floor slowly as the past few hours seemed to catch up with her, Regina had literally tried to kill herself and may have succeeded had Rumpelstiltskin not seen her and thought to inform them. What if she had been a couple minutes longer? Would she have had to shove her fingers down Regina's throat instead to bring them back up? Would she have found the woman unconscious and close to death sprawled out on the cold hard tiles of the bathroom floor? What would she have done if Regina had actually died?!

For so long she had seen the woman as a hindrance, just a daily challenge she had to face in order to parent her son. Then she had seen her as a monster, an evil witch who had cursed a whole land of people to a life without happiness. Then she had witnessed the mask of the 'monster' slipping ever so slightly with every civil conversation they managed to hold, when she had been accused of the murder of Archie, Emma had figured out her weak spot…her eyes. The eyes that had always captivated her for one reason or another became her map, her guide to the mystery of Regina Mills.

They had acted as her manual when she found herself in the mine with Regina, realizing that she was going to give her life for a town full of those who hated her and she hated with just as much passion, all for one little boy…her little boy. She had seen the fear in the eyes of a woman trying to stand so strong, the regret at having to do something that would take her away from the only thing she actually cared for, loved to a painful degree but would have to leave when he had finally given her his acceptance. Well that just wouldn't do, the final straw for the blonde had been the acceptance she found there, the acceptance that this was all her life was going to be and had been leading up to. She deserved so much more than that and so Emma had stepped up, had joined her power with Regina's and been able to save her.

They hadn't even had chance to talk about what had happened before Henry was taken, before they had to learn to work together once more in order to find their son for Regina to have it almost taken away from her once again right at the end – it wasn't fair but…to try to take her own life?

Things had been so crazy during the past year, so much had happened and Emma had found herself praying for a quiet life, one in which she could finally come to terms with how her life had changed but…no matter what scenario she thought of, Regina was always part of it, always present in some shape or form. She couldn't imagine a world without the woman.

She hadn't realized she had started crying until a blood curdling scream had startled her out of her thoughts and she felt the hot tears flowing steadily down her cheeks. She didn't even have time to wipe her face before she was up on her feet and thundering up the stairs and into Regina's room where she braced herself for what she knew she would find.

The door rebounded off the wall as she crashed into the bedroom, her eyes immediately having trouble adjusting to the dark but it wasn't long before she found the source of the noise, before her eyes fell onto the convulsing body of Regina Mills as she rose and fell from the bed in quick succession. Her heart grew heavy as she moved to sit beside the brunette and attempted to grip one of Regina's small hands in her own in an attempt to offer some comfort for the things she was about to go through…the tears kept coming as she listened to the pain present in every agonising scream, there was nothing she could do now but wait for it to stop, wait for the memories to cease their torture, wait for Regina to come back to her.


End file.
